


Fourteen Months

by TheNamelessMoonPresence



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fuck that ending!, Here Have some hope, Post-Season/Series 03, Post-Season/Series 03 Fix-It, The Raft is literally a human rights violation, Trish fucked up but deserved better, Trish should not be there, because that is what JJ was about not that bs we got
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 14:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19336363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNamelessMoonPresence/pseuds/TheNamelessMoonPresence
Summary: Trish's life after she was sent to The Raft.





	Fourteen Months

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any errors I missed in editing this but this came from my brain as I was about to go to bed so I'm kinda ridding high right now

It takes one week for it to sink in, what she had done, not the killings, those she knew exacrly what meant both for her life and for her soul, horrible and necessary, those where the words she had said to Jessica.

It takes one week for it to sink what she had done to Jessica, what she had taken from Jessica, she had taken her last family from her, she had forced Jessica to send her to The Raft and effectively sever the last ties to anything resembling family, all Jessica had now was Malcolm, god she hoped Jessica still had Malcolm, neither of them deserved to be alone.

It takes a week of the events of her capture playing repeat in her mind for her to finally grasp it, she had attacked Jessica, her one unforgivable sin, a week of the sound, the feel, the sight of the knife sliding through Jessica’s palm until the hilt stopped her from going further.

It takes a week of all the righteous anger trying to take hold in her brain but being unable to, all the anger and frustration and hurt warring with her grief, why could Jessica not just let her go? And even more heartbreaking, how could Jessica let her go? How could Jessica just give up on her like that? How could Jessica just give up on her and decide she was beyond help? When she had gone to such lengths to keep her out prison at first? How could Jessica just let her go when she had been ready to risk everything for Alisa?

It takes a week of that thought, the thought of why had Jessica not been willing to risk everything for her, rattling in her cloudy mind.

It takes a week for her mind to finally be able to give her heart an answer, Jessica had done all she could, how could Trish demand that Jessica become a fugitive and an accomplice to her crimes? No matter how necessary they had been Trish couldn’t demand Jessica darken her soul like that despite how willing Trish was to darken her own soul for the greater good.

It takes a week for Trish’s mind to finally realize the truth, Jessica is a hero, she’s the hero Trish had always wanted her to be, her hero, and Trish had forced her to chose between that and herself, how could she be anything but proud that despite everything Jess had stepped up and been a hero.

It takes two weeks for Trish to come to terms with the fact that despite this revelation she didn’t regret killing Sallinger or Nossbaummer or Montero, not even a little bit, but she regrets that now Jessica saw her as just as bad as they had been and for the first time since sitting in the interrogation room with Detective Costa she cries.

She cries and cries, her entire body feel sick with it, she cries until her eyes burn and her throat feel scraped raw, she cries for longer than she can comprehend and it all comes rushing back in her mind.

The way Jessica had looked at her in her apartment when she had told her she couldn’t recognize her anymore, the way Jessica had look at the knife Trish had stabbed through her hand before looking at her.

She cries enough that the guards come and check up on her, none of then dare come near the door, they look wearily at her through the small hatch in the door to her cell, not one of them say anything they just look uncomfortably at her, they want to tell her to stop but not one of them does, finally one of call out to her but Trish doesn’t hear her over her own hysterical wailing.

They give up and leave her to her tears, after a while Trish’s body simply have no more tears left to cry, though her grief has not dissipated even a little, she fall into a restless sleep filled with nightmares, each and everyone staring Jessica and her heartbroken eyes.

When Trish wakes at what she assumes is the next day, with 23 hours in solitary days have already stopped meaning anything, she doesn’t cry, even if her heart feels like it’s being crushed.

It takes three months for Trish to speak a word after she had passed out crying, begging Jessica to forgive her as she cried for what she had done.

It takes three months for Trish to learn that even The Raft isn’t fool proof, the prison had surfaced for the arrival of a new prisoner and then hell had broken lose, something or someone must have attacked the prison, for one moment everything was working and the next an explosion was heard and the lights went out.

Sirens starts blaring throughout the prison but even with the almost deafening sound she could hear the lock to her door disengaging, she doesn’t get up from her position sitting cross legged on the floor nor does she open her eyes, even as the telltale sounds of a prison riot start.

She doesn’t get up even as the sounds of fighting grow closer and closer until it becomes clear that guards and prisoners were fighting out in the cell clock on the other side of her door.

She opens her eyes when it becomes clear that the prisoners are getting the upper hand, the sounds of the guards’ guns become fewer and farther between, they were losing.

She stands up when the sounds of fighting stops completely, she walks over to the door and listens, the guards are talking, trying to sound commanding and authoritative even while begging for their lives.

The fear in their voices was palpable, these guards knew they were about to die, Trish reaches out and opens the door.

Silently she slips out of the crack in the door and stands, taking in the devastation in front of her, hundreds of bodies a littered around place, both prisoners and guards, the only living people besides her are four guards all on the ground each one badly injured although none of them looked fatally wounded.

In front of them stood three prisoners, in the middle stood what looked like regular man, well fit and tall but very ordinary compared to his compatriots, on his left stood what could only be described as a real life Minotaur and on his left stood an equally big monstrosity of a man with green skin and strange spike like protrusions all over his upper body.

They were clearly about to kill the guards, to Trish’s own surprise the only thing she felt in that moment was the need to help, even if these guards were working on this floating hunk of a human right’s violation Trish’s first instinct was to save them, one of the guards noticed her and the fear in her eyes made Trish ache.

This person thought Trish was on the prisoners side, that she was here to help kill them.

Trish took a step forward and spoke for the first time in three months.

“Step away from them”

All three of the prisoners spun around to look at her shocked, none of them had heard her until now, Trish almost smiled at that, three months of inactivity and she was still silent as a stalking cat.

The man in the middle, he had an American flag tattooed on his face, grinned manically at her, before turning to the big green monster beside him.

“Look Constantin it’s the new girl! Kill her”

Both Constantin and the Minotaur charged at her, a lot of thoughts go through Trish’s mind as the two rush at her, all of them have Jessica at their core, the dominant one is very simple.

Live to atone to Jessica.

So she tenses all the muscles in her body and then charge at the monsters.

Afterwards Constantin lies dead on the floor, having been gored accidentally by the Minotaur and the Minotaur itself unconscious underneath a heap of ruble from having charged into the wall and bringing it down upon itself.

Trish turns from them to look at the remaining rioter, as soon as she turns the third prisoner has a gun in her face, but before he can even think of pulling the trigger she has him on his knees and disarmed, she holds the gun to his temple, ready to blow his brains out.

But she doesn’t pull the trigger, even as her entire being tells her to end him she doesn’t, because one thought rings out in her mind.

What would Jessica do? 

Instead she knocks him out and places the gun on the floor a few feet away from the still shocked guards, who were still just staring at her, she looks back at them.

She hold the gaze of the guard closest to her before turning on her heels and walking back to her cell.

She closes the door behind her and crawls into her bunk, curling into a fetal position she thinks of Jessica, and of Malcolm too, as the Sirens stops and the emergency power is replaced by the regular power, the last thing she hears before falling asleep is the deadbolt of her door clicking back into locked mode.

A week after the riot everything is back to normal, although now the guards look at her with less fear in their eyes.

It takes six months for the routine to be broken again, this time it isn’t a prison riot but a visitor, Trish looks from her place on the floor at a brunette woman, the woman is wearing a uniform she doesn’t recognize, but she looks authoritative, both by her posture and the look in her eyes.

“Patricia Walker? My name is Maria Hill I’m the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. I want to talk to you about your future”

The choice Maria Hill gives her is simple: come work for S.H.I.E.L.D or stay on The Raft, honestly Trish considers staying, the self-loathing Dorothy had beat into her at a young age telling her she isn’t good enough and that she would somehow screw it up, but in the end she thinks again what would Jessica do? Most likely tell Maria Hill to go fuck herself but she would help in the end, because Jessica is a hero and despite what she says, she cares, so Trish accepts if only just to make the Jessica voice in her head proud.

It takes twelve months but Trish feel free, for the first time in years she feels truly free, she is making a difference at S.H.I.E.L.D, with them she’s actually helping people, she has friends and colleagues who trusts her, but even as happy as she is now it isn’t enough, for a short time she wonders if she truly is as selfish and entitled as Dorothy had said she was, but one day while on a mission in upstate New York she realizes what is missing.

Her home, she misses the city she grew up in, she misses it so much she aches, but mostly she misses her family, she misses Malcolm as much as she fears she will never be able to make right what she did to him, how she used him, she fears that no matter what she does, no matter how much good she brings to the world with her work in S.H.I.E.L.D. she will never even begin to make it up to him.

And above all else, she misses Jessica, she misses her with all of her soul, so much that it’s been harder and harder just to function, to have a thought that isn’t somehow centered around Jessica.

It takes fourteen months to muster up the courage and stand in New York again, S.H.I.E.L.D knows she’s here, she hasn’t run from her promise, from her oath, she got to see the sun again if she used her powers to help them keep the world safe.

It took fourteen months to stand in front of Maria Hill, Phil Coulson and Melinda May and the rest of the S.H.I.E.L.D council and argue that she could do more good stationed in New York, as a liaison with the vigilantes there, to keep an eye out on Daredevil, on The Iron Fist, on Luke Cage, but most of all on Jessica Jones, her reasoning that she wasn’t needed with the core S.H.I.E.L.D team since they had been working perfectly well long before she came along.

To her surprise they had agreed.

It took fourteen months since being sent to The Raft to once again be sitting on a rooftop in Hell’s Kitchen staring out over the city, the same rooftop she and Jessica had watched movies on so many years ago.

She sat there for a while just letting the memories wash over her.

She hadn’t made contact with either Malcolm nor Jessica, while she technically wasn’t a fugitive, something which S.H.I.E.L.D had taken care off, she was not welcome in their lives anymore, she knew that, how could she be after all she had done?

More than likely that Jessica would try to throw her back to the Raft if she saw her again.

But it was enough to know she was at least again in the same state as they were, even if she would never get to see them again.

After an hour of just sitting listening to the city she stood up and was about to start getting back to her apartment when she heard the sound of someone jumping onto the roof a few yards behind her, Trish turned around and felt her heart jump up into her throat.

Fourteen months since she had last seen Jessica and it somehow it barely felt like a day since she had last looked into Jessica’s brown eyes.

They stood in silence, the only sounds were the city around them, Trish tried to think of something, anything to say, but what do you say to the person you love the most after so long? Especially when they’re also the person you hurt the most?

Luckily Jessica, ever the word smith, broke the silence.

“Hey Beanie Girl”

The nickname was followed by the soft grin that only Jessica could make, and that was all Trish could take, for the second time in fourteen months Trish cried, she cried so much she could neither see nor speak, this was too much to take, Trish couldn’t comprehend how Jessica was standing here let alone smiling at her as if they were still the same people they had been years ago before everything had gone wrong, it was too much.

They collapsed into each other’s arms, both holding on to the other as if they were a lifeline, crying so much that the world faded away and they were the only people left in it.

It took fourteen months since Trish had been sent to The Raft but somehow she found her way back home again, she found her way back to Jessica.

**Author's Note:**

> This is more or less an abridged version of another fic I'm writing so maybe I'll do more of this who knows?


End file.
